Culiex

What Can I Do To Help?

2008-04-24T09:44:00.000-07:00

This is the 21st century, and some of us have taken a back seat to technology and communication. Others (especially the gender of dim and dumb) have never been great communicators. So, is this outlet just another cop-out or a chance for men to at least try something new, something that might work? Maybe it's the Bridge on the River Kwai effect: great piece of engineering while it stands, but set a few charges across the length of it (baby troubles/tantrums, difficult days at the office, lack of sleep), and it all comes crashing.

There was something recently read about women speaking twice as many words as men on a daily basis. That could be said of most of us; in fact, many of us could go for hours without a single word. Alex is only two and a half, and we seem to be able to communicate with one another with simple looks: glares, smirks, almost-smirks-and-trying-not-to-smile, eyebrow-lift and eye-roll-of-annoyance, etcetera.

Why the disparity? If men speak they have to think. Thinking isn't always the strong suit. If talking without thought is another option, watch out, duck and cover, or roll over and play dead. If you've ever seen a opossum curl up and play dead, it's pretty convincing stuff, ugly as they are.

Do we men pass on these tried-and-true tactics to our sons? Maybe it's a genetic wiring problem with the Y chromosome. Is there a non-surgical way to break the chain of grunts, making faces, and clear exasperation? Were the Amazons the first women to want the freedom and equality of men, or did they merely want to get as far from us as they could?

Digression gets us nowhere, so back to it. What can be done? Does a husband ask how he can help, make suggestions, or sit there looking slack-jawed? If you answered b or c, you're a typical man; congratulations on passing the buck and blaming genetic failings. Answer A, stupid! It's what they keep telling us; isn't it? But that doesn't make sense. Just listen to suggestions or ask how we can help?... Who wants to listen to suggestions when we have at least two or three to offer off the top of our heads - without thinking.

There's a good point. The difference between thinking and thinking things through. Basic male thought is a simple equation: experience = thought/memory = obvious solution. It worked before, so why wouldn't it work now. The frat house, the barracks, the baseball field, the poker table - Those environments are what have prepared us for battle and lack of empathy.

That's the catch. They have a different brand of empathy. Women want to put their thoughts into action. Understandable, but even worse (and nearly impossible to understand), more often than not they don't want your suggestions or solutions, they just want to be heard. No actions, no solutions. Crazy, right?

Things I have done since Sunday to avoid googling “gypsies, purchase of young children”:

2008-04-16T19:36:00.000-07:00

-Used a Grover puppet and full-Grover voice to get Alex to cooperate with getting dressed in the morning.
-Have priced-out online the cost of full catcher’s mask/vest to protect from violent kicking during dressing/undressing.
-Told Alex that his old baby tub was a boat and that he could pee over the side of the boat into the “ocean” just to get him to take a bath without screaming throughout the entire thing.
-Let him eat his dinner in our bed every night this week while watching Sesame Street just so that he would FOR THE LOVE OF GOD eat something.
-Made sure he ate his dinner on Chris’ side of the bed, then frantically swept the crumbs and small bits of noodle and pizza that did not make it into Alex’s mouth onto the floor.
-piled the laundry that Chris had dumped onto the bed to be folded back into the laundry basket because that is where Alex eats dinner now. And eating dinner on top of a clean pile of laundry is where I draw the line. For now.
-Made the Grover puppet “pee” on the potty to “get in the mood”.
-Co-created with Chris the hysterical rhyming game where you rhyme silly nonsense words with phrases such as “NO!” and “WANT ONE!” and “GO AWAY DADDY!”

2008-04-07T14:36:00.000-07:00

Get out your helmets, your flak jackets, and whatever comfort item you choose because you are going to need them. 2 ½ has officially arrived. I know this because of the following comments, all within a single evening:

-I yuv you Mommy! (accompanied by an open handed slap across the cheek with the sound effect “whap!”)
-“I want FAGHETTI!!!!!!!”
-(shortly afterward) “I don’t WANT FAGHETTI!!!!!!! I want nofing! NO DINNER!”
-Mommy, let’s see what Diego is doing!
-NONONONONONONONONONO! NOT DAT ONE! THE REGULAR ONE! (no more clarification was given on this, so I had to try all three episodes on the disk. Apparently, the “regular” one does not exist on the only Diego dvd we own.)
-Mommy! MOMMY!!!! COME HERE! COME HERE NOW! (Alex, what do you need?) WATCH THIS! (when I come, he shakes his head and blows out…..it looks a lot like breathing. But I laugh and say, “That was funny.” He waits until I am back in the kitchen to call me back again for a repeat performance. And so dinner that night took over an hour to make, one step at a time before being summoned back to watch some version of the breathe-out-head-shake hysteria.)
-I want to brush my teeth! My teeth hurt! I need some Benadryl! In a cup! So I can sip it! (No Alex, you don’t get Benadryl for hurting teeth. Only for a stuffy nose) MY NOSE IS STUFFY. SEE??? SEE???? (breathes in and out vigorously – and without problem – through his nose) SEE MOMMY!!???

Sometimes, it’s enough to make me want to walk into my room, close the door and stick my head in the toilet. (Sometimes.)

It’s okay though….we went through a version of “Angry Alex” around this time last year – the dreaded half-year – but last year there were no words to go along with the screaming. I’m not sure which one is worse…because most of the words coming out of his mouth sound like insanity to me. Only the insane! End every sentence! With an exclamation point! Right?!

I love him more than anything on Earth, but really….maybe we could rent him out for the month of April and part of May as a form of birth control/sex deterrent for promiscuous high schoolers? Just a thought.

Oh and by the way, this morning when I dropped him off at my mom’s, he was cute enough to eat with a spoon and lick the carton afterward. Wanting to walk me to the door, wave goodbye, saying “I yuv you Mommy!” (with no accompanying whap in the face) and hopping around on the grass like a little bunny rabbit. Dammit.

Driving Me Insane

2008-03-19T13:27:00.001-07:00

Alex has learned the wonder of driving. Granted, he does not have the wind in his hair and an empty road ahead of him, but rather a dark garage and an exhausted adult in the passenger seat. We tried for an entire 72 hours to keep driving an activity exlusive to Grandma and Papa's house, but did we really think we would win? Silly silly Mommy and Daddy. We actually had a bet over who would give in first. I won't drag the suspense out for you...... I won! But only because I happened to be out at the time of a particularly spirited debate between the two of them. We have had similar debates that go something like this:

Alex: "I want to sit in Mommy's driving seat."
Me: "You know we can't do that when the car is parked on the street.
Only in Grandma and Papa's garage."
Alex: "I WANT TO SIT IN MOMMY'S DRIVING SEAT! OKAY?? OKAY?? OKAY??
OKAAAAAAAAY MOMMY??!!!????"
Me: "I said No."
Alex: "AAAAAHHHHhhhh. AAAAAAaaaaaahhhh. AAAAAHHHHhhh.....................I'm crying
Mommy................................AAAAAAHHHHHHhhhhh. AAAAAAAHHHHHHHhhhhhh. AAAAAAAHHHHHHhhhh............................................I don't FEEL GOOD MOMMY."
Me: "I'm so sorry you don't feel good Sweetie. How about a big hug and kiss to help you feel better?"
(hug and kiss here)
Alex: (long pause, thinking about something)...... "I want to sit in Mommy's driving seat."

So is it any wonder Chris gave in? I am not judging him at all....just relieved that it was him, and not me, who gave up. I have a reptuation to uphold. So now, Alex is waking up at 6 AM and the first thing he says is, "I want to sit in Mommy's driving seat." We have resorted to using the timer as the bad guy. "Let's check the timer and see how much time is left before we can go drive.....hm. 60 minutes! What kind of fun can we have in our jammies inside that will take 60 minutes? How about watching Sesame Street?" And the only way to get him out of the car? Jelly beans. Just one will do the trick. "If you get out of the car without complaining, you can have a jelly bean. What color would you like?" Then he launches into describing what he does that we don't want him to do. He'll say, "I will say, AAAAHHHhhhhh more car, more car and that is 'plaining, right Mommy?" and then he trots his little butt out of the garage as if he doesn't have a care in the world. Meanwhile I am thinking about attaching my kitchen timer to some kind of necklace so I can wear it around my neck. Like a noose.

But I also recognize I have discovered his new currency. What is valuable and important to him is driving in my driver's seat. And so I am carefully planning how to use it (exploit? never.) to my advantage.

Odds and Ends

2008-03-15T20:09:00.000-07:00

Okay.....some updates.

Sammy is doing much better. She still kind of tilts to the right, and walks somewhat sideways when she's in a hurry, but she's happy, tail wagging, eating (I think. I suspect McKinley is helping her out but have not been able to catch him), and overall it seems she will be with us a little bit longer. It's a huge relief to me, but we have all the dog heaven books ready to go just in case.

Alex pooped on the potty. He woke up this morning telling me he wanted a Thomas the Train track like they have at Sunday School. I said that if he could poop and pee on the potty for the 2 weeks I'm on vacation we'll buy him one. At first he said "No poop and pee on the potty" but that was at 7 AM and he pretty much says no to anything at that time. Except driving in Papa's car. I can get him dressed and out of the house in 5 minutes (and I'm talking crib to carseat) if I tell him Papa is waiting at his house for Alex to come over and "drive". So this morning he says "no poop and pee in the potty" so I leave it alone. I don't really WANT a Thomas the Train track in my house to be honest. But later on he wants to wear underwear. Okaaaaay. Then he pees on the potty. Great. Then he says "Mommy I have to poop" and he goes in the bathroom and sits down and poops. Not just once, but three times I had to say, "Are you done?" and he'd say "Not yet!" and squeeze another one out. I'm not sure how long we were in there, but I think our Signing Time Volume I dvd made it through an entire showing before we came out again. I was getting really worried we were going to have to go to Target to buy the track soon.....but then he peed his pants 2 times in about 2 hours. So I think our bank account is safe a little longer, though our carpet is taking a beating.

Other Alex news (because really what else is there? I work. Chris works. We eat and go to sleep and do it all again the next day) Chris asked him the other morning, "Alex, would you like a little baby sister or a little baby brother?" (don't freak out, I'm not pregnant) and Alex said "Um....no thank you." so Chris asked again, "Don't you want a little baby sister or brother?" and he pointed to his baby doll sitting in his shopping cart and said, "I already have a baby. She's over there."

Um...ok. Just to be safe he came into our room where I was still in bed and said, "Mommy, I don't want a baby sister or brother."

I'm not too worried. In the last week we've gotten him to eat pizza AND jelly beans.....and he loves them both. So I feel like the idea will grow on him and we've got (as of now) unlimited time.

2008-02-21T10:23:00.000-08:00

Last night Alex held my face in his hands and said "You're the best mommy in the world." After I gave him a big kiss and hug I said, "Would you like a new car?"

Sammy

2008-02-21T09:46:00.000-08:00

My Sammy girl has been pretty sick this week. On Monday she started stumbling around and falling over. I took her to the vet who told me she has vestibular disease. This is a neurological disorder that affects her balance - basically she's really really dizzy. There are two kinds - central and peripheral. The central kind is inside the brain and is mostly degenerative. The peripheral kind is common in old dogs (she's 15) and usually goes away on it's own. The vet was mostly convinced that she had the peripheral kind, but not 100% sure. So we're nursing her back to health slowly and hoping for the best. We have her penned in the family room, where we can take care of her and keep an eye on her. We carry her out to the yard every couple hours to go to the bathroom. We have to hand feed her - so far all she will eat is cottage cheese and velveeta (of course!) cheese. For a few days I even had to scoop water into my hand so she could stay hydrated. Her aim is pretty poor, and you can see her trying hard to focus on something in front of her. But yesterday evening and this morning she seems much improved....she was able to walk around a bit, and even stood up at one point to drink water out of her water dish. So we are very hopeful.

Alex has been very good with her. He talks to her a lot telling her he hopes she feels better soon, that she's a good girl and that he loves her. I'm very hopeful she will fully recover, but just in case we ordered Cynthia Rylant's "Dog Heaven" book so he will understand what happened to her if the worst happens.

Sammy is the best dog, is my most loyal friend and she has been my constant witness for the last 15 years. I hope she'll be with us a bit longer, but she's also an old dog who has lived a long life. She's a good, good girl.

Happy Holidays

2007-12-23T20:12:00.001-08:00

Chris gets home from WI on Tuesday. He is bringing his dad with him for an extended visit. We have a large list of chores for him to complete. He is aware that he will be singing for his supper.

For those of you who are close family (read: you are as into our kid as we are) be expecting your 2007 Alex movie to arrive in the next week or two. We are waiting for our Christmas cards to arrive because I am too cheap to mail them separately. It's approximately 20 minutes of Alex fun. Lots of naked dancing clips put to great music. I am pleased to note that in his 2nd year of life, I've managed to wear something other than my pajamas for some of the clips and photographs.

Enjoy your holidays. Eat lots of food and spend lots of time on the couch.

Miscellaneous

2007-12-04T14:22:00.000-08:00

The boo-boo/boobie confusion has been resolved. It fell out of his head as quietly and quickly as it fell into it.

Last night, after being told there were no more grapes, Alex's usual temper tantrum "HAVE THEM!" response was replaced with......"Oh phooey".

His favorite CD is the personalized one from Henry O. that has his name sung every other verse (or so it seems). Both Chris and I are somewhat mystified at how this is accomplished.

There have been many pee pees on the potty. Some times there have been false alarms. And for those keeping score, still no poo poos.....and get a life.

I found a white coffee maker!!! Unfortunately it came in the mail today and it is VERY small. Like the size to fit in a kid-sized kitchen. I am a little bit worried that will not be good enough for Alex, who has Starbucks taste in appliances. Am trying to figure out a way we can actually buy him the one at Starbucks without anyone outside our nuclear family finding out about it. But that is nearly impossible now that most people can understand what he says. And he WILL rat us out. He rats out the dog on a near-daily basis.

I taught Alex how to say "ferme la bouche" last night, which is French for "shut your mouth". Sounds kind of harsh. I think that is the literal translation though....I think it really just means "be quiet". My french teacher would shout that at us all the time, so it can't be that bad, right? Plus, the word "bouche" cracks him up. As do the words "coat", "Bob", "gong".......

"Zooboomafoo" is still his #1 favorite TV show (and mine). He will watch 2-3 episodes back-to-back if we let him. We are trying not to feel too guilty about how often we "let" him.

His favorite book (and I mean FAVORITE BOOK) is the one Grandpa Jim bought for him called "Yummy Yucky". He LOVES to pretend to be REALLY disgusted when we say "YUCKY!!!" and he pretends to spit yucky things out of his mouth and dances around in circles. He loves loves loves it. But we can't read it at bedtime anymore. Ever. Because he will cry cry cry until I go in there, then brighten up the minute I pick him up and say "Read more silly book?" The earwax page is his favorite. He has firsthand knowledge of just how yucky that stuff really is.

Bump on the Head?

2007-11-26T07:39:00.000-08:00

There is some recent confusion between "boo boo" and "boobie". Lately he has been pointing to the scab on his knee and saying "boobie". Despite our efforts to clarify the difference between the two, he remains certain of his own definitions.

Santa Claus

2007-11-21T11:20:00.000-08:00

Alex has been asking for a white coffee maker. He is very specific. He wants it white like our cupboard door. And not just any cupboard door in our kitchen - specifically the one next to the sink. THAT cupboard door. Everyday he asks for it, every day I get specific instructions about how it needs to be white. Alex's coffee maker needs to be WHITE. I get it. I've looked online for toy coffee makers. They don't come in white. They come in primary colors, pastel colors, and even just red. But not white. I know if I bought him one of those, he would not like it.....because it's not white, and because the colors so clearly mean it's a toy.....and as much as we pretend not to get it, we all know if it's not a REAL coffee maker, it's not of interest to him.

My mom thinks he might be coveting the white one he sees at Starbucks every day. And yes, I considered buying it for him for about 30 seconds. Then the insanity passed and I went on to Plan B. Which was to tell him about Santa Claus and how he brings toys to boys and girls all over the world at Christmas time and that if we go see him and sit on his lap and ask for what we want, he will bring it to us on Christmas. This is what Alex said to that: "No Santa's lap. Sit on MOMMY'S lap. Alex wants a white coffee maker." Oh well. My mom thinks he'll forget in time. I'm not so sure. She's not there every morning when he wakes up asking for his white coffee maker, and not there when he goes to sleep talking about it and how Mommy is going to buy it at the store. I had hoped Santa would buy me a little more time. But so far that route doesn't seem to be working out too well.

2 Years Old!

2007-11-02T10:51:00.000-07:00

Alex had his 2nd birthday party last weekend with many friends and family attending. We had Andy the entertainment guy come and do puppets, balloons and dancing with the kids. They had a blast. And, as if a switch was flipped, Alex is now a TWO YEAR OLD. He insists on doing things HIS way. He prefers to do the opposite of whatever we want him to do. If we need him to move quickly, he slows down. If we want him to eat at the table, he insists on eating in his high chair. It is his attempt to control his little world (and his mommy and daddy) and for the most part, it's working. Our strategy: if it's not a danger to himself or anyone else, let him have his way as much as possible. We are aware that any power struggles we engage in with him we will lose. It's his world and we're just living in it.

Two steps forward, two steps back.

2007-10-14T13:40:00.000-07:00

Alex is beginning to use the potty. He went yesterday morning after telling me he had to go, sat on it while we read 3 books, and then peed. We were VERY excited and we could tell he felt pretty great about it. He spent most of the day yesterday without pants on, but didn't go again. This morning we did the same thing - spent lots of time without pants on and sat on the potty and read about 5 books. After the 5th book he decided he was done and asked for a diaper. I put one on him and suddenly he grabbed himself and said "dump dump dump". I took it off, noticed he had JUST peed, and he had been holding it in until I put the diaper on him. He did not understand why he couldn't dump his pee in the toilet like we sometimes do with his poop.

So he has the control.....just not the desire. Let the good times roll.......

Backseat Driver

2007-10-10T11:53:00.000-07:00

Sitting at a red light the other day, waiting in a long line of cars to be able to go through the intersection, I hear from the backseat, "GO lady."

Pooking and DiaRAHda

2007-10-01T09:32:00.000-07:00

We had a rough end of last week and weekend. Alex started last week off with a pretty strong case of DiaRAHda (his way of saying diarrhea). He was in a great mood, though a little more touchy than usual, between diaper changes. The best part was that he was actually an active and willing participant in the diaper change. Usually when he's got a mess in his pants he will deny it so he can keep playing. But with DiaRAHda, he would alert you immediately ("DiaRAHda! DiaRAHda!"), toddle off to the bathroom door and wait to get "hosed off" in the bathtub. Good times. Sadly, by Thursday, the "pooking" began, and I spent Thursday and Friday cleaning "pook" off of our bed, the carpet, 4 of my shirts, 5 of his, both pairs of my flannel pajama bottoms, the rug and floor in the living room.......it was not fun.

We are learning though that Alex, even when sick with the stomach flu, is a pretty easy-going kid. Between expulsions, he was mostly happy, willing, and cooperative. The hardest part was the quarentine.....not being able to go out to breakfast, to the play gym or the park, or to have our playdate with friends Dana and her triplets in town visiting from Chicago. Having to travel with triplets by air.....it was understandable why they were not interested in being within a 5 mile radius of us.

I think both Chris and I are relieved to be back at work this morning....and of course, Alex is fully recovered in time for another week with Grandma and Grandpa. We're trying not to feel short-changed. It wasn't much of a relaxing weekend for us. But then....when is it ever???

My Men and the Moon

2007-09-23T20:10:00.000-07:00

Alex made friends with the moon last night. He had never really noticed it before, but walking home from dinner, sitting in his car being pushed by Chris he stared at the sky and would point and say "There it is!" every time it appeared from behind the trees. Chris's dad has a similar story about Chris when he was a little boy driving to the farm in Black River Falls. It was night time, the boys were in the back seat of the car, and Chris leaned forward and whispered in his dad's ear, "Dad, I think the moon is following us." It's fun to see ourselves appear in him. I'm just waiting for his first easter egg hunt to get a glimpse of myself. Let's give the boy a spoon and a hard boiled egg and see what happens.

A Man of Details

2007-09-11T13:28:00.000-07:00

One thing we have learned about Alex is his attention to detail and focus when working. One activity he likes to do is pick flowers off the ground and return them to the plant. He has not yet figured out which flowers go with what plant, but he's big into putting things away. He did NOT get this trait from me. Chris might say he got it from him, but I really think he got it from his Grandpa Gordy. That is a tight ship he runs out there in Green Bay.

Chris comes home today. Alex is very excited, and I am too. He wanted to take Dad's car to work today and when I told him we had to leave it at home because Daddy was coming home and would need it, I thought we might have a meltdown when we drove away. Luckily promises of helping Mommy buy her coffee and eating an apple with Grandma helped him forget for a little while. The whole way over, he repeated "First, Mommy's coffee."

A man who has his priorities straight!

PS - thanks to Grandpa for this great photo!!!!

Bye Bye Daddy

2007-09-05T08:36:00.000-07:00

Chris leaves tonight to go home to WI to see his mom who is not doing very well these days. I'm glad he's going, since I think her time is limited. Alex and I can fend for ourselves for a week. I started school today, and Amma and Papa are back on duty full time - whoo hoo! I am enjoying picking Alex up at the end of the day and hearing about all the fun things they did together. We are very lucky.

Alex spent almost 2 hours last night playing with his new blender and cooking us beans to eat. He was so into his project he would have skipped dinner if Chris and I hadn't convinced him his blender would be there after we all ate some dinner. He ate about 4 edamame beans and about 3 noodles before telling us he was all done and needed to get back to work cooking his beans. I'm trying not to worry about his caloric intake and its direct relationship with the total number of night time minutes of sleep I get........

Culiex Live

2007-09-03T14:36:00.000-07:00

Well, we've "movie-starred" our names from Chris, Julie and Alex into CULIEX. Apparently it is the new, hip thing to do. And we are nothing if not new and hip.

We had a great summer filled with swimming lessons, gym classes, trips to the park, and lots and lots of time in the backyard playing at our water table and in the baby pool. Alex's obsession with all things electronic continues. We're thinking of enrolling him early in ITT Tech if this affinity continues.

We had a great trip to Wisconsin, where Alex went to his first county fair. We spent a lot of time playing with Grandpa Gordy and Grandma Judy, and listening to Aunt Sarah play the violin. Alex also met his cousins Kaleb and Kennedy for the first time. He enjoyed playing in their police car more than he enjoyed playing with them......so much that we bought him one when we got home. He spends a lot of time servicing it in our family room - with both juice and gasoline.

Chris has been busy working - his move to Keller Williams has really been a good one for him. It's a very motivating company filled with lots of opportunities to grow. He is currently the director of agent education, as well as mentor to a few new agents, in addition to being a full-time agent working 7 days a week. He still enjoys spending Fridays with Alex and is now the master of the sippy cup - getting Alex to drink both juice and milk from it no problem... which is something Julie has not been able to accomplish as of yet.

Julie goes back to work tomorrow for her last year as a mentor teacher. After that....??? Maybe go back into the classroom, maybe pursue other opportunities outside SMMUSD, maybe stay home full time......we'll see what opportunities come our way.

More to come from CULIEX......