Get out your helmets, your flak jackets, and whatever comfort item you choose because you are going to need them. 2 ½ has officially arrived. I know this because of the following comments, all within a single evening:

-I yuv you Mommy! (accompanied by an open handed slap across the cheek with the sound effect “whap!”)
-“I want FAGHETTI!!!!!!!”
-(shortly afterward) “I don’t WANT FAGHETTI!!!!!!! I want nofing! NO DINNER!”
-Mommy, let’s see what Diego is doing!
-NONONONONONONONONONO! NOT DAT ONE! THE REGULAR ONE! (no more clarification was given on this, so I had to try all three episodes on the disk. Apparently, the “regular” one does not exist on the only Diego dvd we own.)
-Mommy! MOMMY!!!! COME HERE! COME HERE NOW! (Alex, what do you need?) WATCH THIS! (when I come, he shakes his head and blows out…..it looks a lot like breathing. But I laugh and say, “That was funny.” He waits until I am back in the kitchen to call me back again for a repeat performance. And so dinner that night took over an hour to make, one step at a time before being summoned back to watch some version of the breathe-out-head-shake hysteria.)
-I want to brush my teeth! My teeth hurt! I need some Benadryl! In a cup! So I can sip it! (No Alex, you don’t get Benadryl for hurting teeth. Only for a stuffy nose) MY NOSE IS STUFFY. SEE??? SEE???? (breathes in and out vigorously – and without problem – through his nose) SEE MOMMY!!???

Sometimes, it’s enough to make me want to walk into my room, close the door and stick my head in the toilet. (Sometimes.)

It’s okay though….we went through a version of “Angry Alex” around this time last year – the dreaded half-year – but last year there were no words to go along with the screaming. I’m not sure which one is worse…because most of the words coming out of his mouth sound like insanity to me. Only the insane! End every sentence! With an exclamation point! Right?!

I love him more than anything on Earth, but really….maybe we could rent him out for the month of April and part of May as a form of birth control/sex deterrent for promiscuous high schoolers? Just a thought.

Oh and by the way, this morning when I dropped him off at my mom’s, he was cute enough to eat with a spoon and lick the carton afterward. Wanting to walk me to the door, wave goodbye, saying “I yuv you Mommy!” (with no accompanying whap in the face) and hopping around on the grass like a little bunny rabbit. Dammit.

Driving Me Insane

Alex has learned the wonder of driving. Granted, he does not have the wind in his hair and an empty road ahead of him, but rather a dark garage and an exhausted adult in the passenger seat. We tried for an entire 72 hours to keep driving an activity exlusive to Grandma and Papa's house, but did we really think we would win? Silly silly Mommy and Daddy. We actually had a bet over who would give in first. I won't drag the suspense out for you...... I won! But only because I happened to be out at the time of a particularly spirited debate between the two of them. We have had similar debates that go something like this:

Alex: "I want to sit in Mommy's driving seat."
Me: "You know we can't do that when the car is parked on the street.
Only in Grandma and Papa's garage."
Alex: "I WANT TO SIT IN MOMMY'S DRIVING SEAT! OKAY?? OKAY?? OKAY??
OKAAAAAAAAY MOMMY??!!!????"
Me: "I said No."
Alex: "AAAAAHHHHhhhh. AAAAAAaaaaaahhhh. AAAAAHHHHhhh.....................I'm crying
Mommy................................AAAAAAHHHHHHhhhhh. AAAAAAAHHHHHHHhhhhhh. AAAAAAAHHHHHHhhhh............................................I don't FEEL GOOD MOMMY."
Me: "I'm so sorry you don't feel good Sweetie. How about a big hug and kiss to help you feel better?"
(hug and kiss here)
Alex: (long pause, thinking about something)...... "I want to sit in Mommy's driving seat."

So is it any wonder Chris gave in? I am not judging him at all....just relieved that it was him, and not me, who gave up. I have a reptuation to uphold. So now, Alex is waking up at 6 AM and the first thing he says is, "I want to sit in Mommy's driving seat." We have resorted to using the timer as the bad guy. "Let's check the timer and see how much time is left before we can go drive.....hm. 60 minutes! What kind of fun can we have in our jammies inside that will take 60 minutes? How about watching Sesame Street?" And the only way to get him out of the car? Jelly beans. Just one will do the trick. "If you get out of the car without complaining, you can have a jelly bean. What color would you like?" Then he launches into describing what he does that we don't want him to do. He'll say, "I will say, AAAAHHHhhhhh more car, more car and that is 'plaining, right Mommy?" and then he trots his little butt out of the garage as if he doesn't have a care in the world. Meanwhile I am thinking about attaching my kitchen timer to some kind of necklace so I can wear it around my neck. Like a noose.

But I also recognize I have discovered his new currency. What is valuable and important to him is driving in my driver's seat. And so I am carefully planning how to use it (exploit? never.) to my advantage.

Odds and Ends

Okay.....some updates.

Sammy is doing much better. She still kind of tilts to the right, and walks somewhat sideways when she's in a hurry, but she's happy, tail wagging, eating (I think. I suspect McKinley is helping her out but have not been able to catch him), and overall it seems she will be with us a little bit longer. It's a huge relief to me, but we have all the dog heaven books ready to go just in case.

Alex pooped on the potty. He woke up this morning telling me he wanted a Thomas the Train track like they have at Sunday School. I said that if he could poop and pee on the potty for the 2 weeks I'm on vacation we'll buy him one. At first he said "No poop and pee on the potty" but that was at 7 AM and he pretty much says no to anything at that time. Except driving in Papa's car. I can get him dressed and out of the house in 5 minutes (and I'm talking crib to carseat) if I tell him Papa is waiting at his house for Alex to come over and "drive". So this morning he says "no poop and pee in the potty" so I leave it alone. I don't really WANT a Thomas the Train track in my house to be honest. But later on he wants to wear underwear. Okaaaaay. Then he pees on the potty. Great. Then he says "Mommy I have to poop" and he goes in the bathroom and sits down and poops. Not just once, but three times I had to say, "Are you done?" and he'd say "Not yet!" and squeeze another one out. I'm not sure how long we were in there, but I think our Signing Time Volume I dvd made it through an entire showing before we came out again. I was getting really worried we were going to have to go to Target to buy the track soon.....but then he peed his pants 2 times in about 2 hours. So I think our bank account is safe a little longer, though our carpet is taking a beating.

Other Alex news (because really what else is there? I work. Chris works. We eat and go to sleep and do it all again the next day) Chris asked him the other morning, "Alex, would you like a little baby sister or a little baby brother?" (don't freak out, I'm not pregnant) and Alex said "Um....no thank you." so Chris asked again, "Don't you want a little baby sister or brother?" and he pointed to his baby doll sitting in his shopping cart and said, "I already have a baby. She's over there."

Um...ok. Just to be safe he came into our room where I was still in bed and said, "Mommy, I don't want a baby sister or brother."

I'm not too worried. In the last week we've gotten him to eat pizza AND jelly beans.....and he loves them both. So I feel like the idea will grow on him and we've got (as of now) unlimited time.

Last night Alex held my face in his hands and said "You're the best mommy in the world." After I gave him a big kiss and hug I said, "Would you like a new car?"

Sammy

My Sammy girl has been pretty sick this week. On Monday she started stumbling around and falling over. I took her to the vet who told me she has vestibular disease. This is a neurological disorder that affects her balance - basically she's really really dizzy. There are two kinds - central and peripheral. The central kind is inside the brain and is mostly degenerative. The peripheral kind is common in old dogs (she's 15) and usually goes away on it's own. The vet was mostly convinced that she had the peripheral kind, but not 100% sure. So we're nursing her back to health slowly and hoping for the best. We have her penned in the family room, where we can take care of her and keep an eye on her. We carry her out to the yard every couple hours to go to the bathroom. We have to hand feed her - so far all she will eat is cottage cheese and velveeta (of course!) cheese. For a few days I even had to scoop water into my hand so she could stay hydrated. Her aim is pretty poor, and you can see her trying hard to focus on something in front of her. But yesterday evening and this morning she seems much improved....she was able to walk around a bit, and even stood up at one point to drink water out of her water dish. So we are very hopeful.

Alex has been very good with her. He talks to her a lot telling her he hopes she feels better soon, that she's a good girl and that he loves her. I'm very hopeful she will fully recover, but just in case we ordered Cynthia Rylant's "Dog Heaven" book so he will understand what happened to her if the worst happens.

Sammy is the best dog, is my most loyal friend and she has been my constant witness for the last 15 years. I hope she'll be with us a bit longer, but she's also an old dog who has lived a long life. She's a good, good girl.

Happy Holidays

Chris gets home from WI on Tuesday. He is bringing his dad with him for an extended visit. We have a large list of chores for him to complete. He is aware that he will be singing for his supper.

For those of you who are close family (read: you are as into our kid as we are) be expecting your 2007 Alex movie to arrive in the next week or two. We are waiting for our Christmas cards to arrive because I am too cheap to mail them separately. It's approximately 20 minutes of Alex fun. Lots of naked dancing clips put to great music. I am pleased to note that in his 2nd year of life, I've managed to wear something other than my pajamas for some of the clips and photographs.

Enjoy your holidays. Eat lots of food and spend lots of time on the couch.

Miscellaneous

The boo-boo/boobie confusion has been resolved. It fell out of his head as quietly and quickly as it fell into it.

Last night, after being told there were no more grapes, Alex's usual temper tantrum "HAVE THEM!" response was replaced with......"Oh phooey".

His favorite CD is the personalized one from Henry O. that has his name sung every other verse (or so it seems). Both Chris and I are somewhat mystified at how this is accomplished.

There have been many pee pees on the potty. Some times there have been false alarms. And for those keeping score, still no poo poos.....and get a life.

I found a white coffee maker!!! Unfortunately it came in the mail today and it is VERY small. Like the size to fit in a kid-sized kitchen. I am a little bit worried that will not be good enough for Alex, who has Starbucks taste in appliances. Am trying to figure out a way we can actually buy him the one at Starbucks without anyone outside our nuclear family finding out about it. But that is nearly impossible now that most people can understand what he says. And he WILL rat us out. He rats out the dog on a near-daily basis.

I taught Alex how to say "ferme la bouche" last night, which is French for "shut your mouth". Sounds kind of harsh. I think that is the literal translation though....I think it really just means "be quiet". My french teacher would shout that at us all the time, so it can't be that bad, right? Plus, the word "bouche" cracks him up. As do the words "coat", "Bob", "gong".......

"Zooboomafoo" is still his #1 favorite TV show (and mine). He will watch 2-3 episodes back-to-back if we let him. We are trying not to feel too guilty about how often we "let" him.

His favorite book (and I mean FAVORITE BOOK) is the one Grandpa Jim bought for him called "Yummy Yucky". He LOVES to pretend to be REALLY disgusted when we say "YUCKY!!!" and he pretends to spit yucky things out of his mouth and dances around in circles. He loves loves loves it. But we can't read it at bedtime anymore. Ever. Because he will cry cry cry until I go in there, then brighten up the minute I pick him up and say "Read more silly book?" The earwax page is his favorite. He has firsthand knowledge of just how yucky that stuff really is.