What Can I Do To Help?

This is the 21st century, and some of us have taken a back seat to technology and communication. Others (especially the gender of dim and dumb) have never been great communicators. So, is this outlet just another cop-out or a chance for men to at least try something new, something that might work? Maybe it's the Bridge on the River Kwai effect: great piece of engineering while it stands, but set a few charges across the length of it (baby troubles/tantrums, difficult days at the office, lack of sleep), and it all comes crashing.

There was something recently read about women speaking twice as many words as men on a daily basis. That could be said of most of us; in fact, many of us could go for hours without a single word. Alex is only two and a half, and we seem to be able to communicate with one another with simple looks: glares, smirks, almost-smirks-and-trying-not-to-smile, eyebrow-lift and eye-roll-of-annoyance, etcetera.

Why the disparity? If men speak they have to think. Thinking isn't always the strong suit. If talking without thought is another option, watch out, duck and cover, or roll over and play dead. If you've ever seen a opossum curl up and play dead, it's pretty convincing stuff, ugly as they are.

Do we men pass on these tried-and-true tactics to our sons? Maybe it's a genetic wiring problem with the Y chromosome. Is there a non-surgical way to break the chain of grunts, making faces, and clear exasperation? Were the Amazons the first women to want the freedom and equality of men, or did they merely want to get as far from us as they could?

Digression gets us nowhere, so back to it. What can be done? Does a husband ask how he can help, make suggestions, or sit there looking slack-jawed? If you answered b or c, you're a typical man; congratulations on passing the buck and blaming genetic failings. Answer A, stupid! It's what they keep telling us; isn't it? But that doesn't make sense. Just listen to suggestions or ask how we can help?... Who wants to listen to suggestions when we have at least two or three to offer off the top of our heads - without thinking.

There's a good point. The difference between thinking and thinking things through. Basic male thought is a simple equation: experience = thought/memory = obvious solution. It worked before, so why wouldn't it work now. The frat house, the barracks, the baseball field, the poker table - Those environments are what have prepared us for battle and lack of empathy.

That's the catch. They have a different brand of empathy. Women want to put their thoughts into action. Understandable, but even worse (and nearly impossible to understand), more often than not they don't want your suggestions or solutions, they just want to be heard. No actions, no solutions. Crazy, right?